The End.  This will be my final xanga blog post.  I hereby put this blog at peace.  With all the countless experiences, and emotions.  I cannot start to thank the people who read this blog.  Your comments, insights, and compliments are so wonderful.

Why am I choosing to end my beloved xanga site?  I have grealty enjoyed my every word and post on this blog.  But, I want to put this blog at peace.  Words are certainly less powerful than actions.  I want to dedicate and commit in ending this blog because I am in the process of making an even bigger dedication and commitment in life...A covenant and a definite strive for ultimate revolution.

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I want to be dead honest with myself, God, and whoever may have stumble upon this final entry.  I love God.  I know, feel, and cherish His deep love for me.  These past 3 years have been beautiful.  I have learned more about God and have sincerely felt at peace.  Life isn't that simple, even with God in and by my side.  I can only wish that after all my firm commitments, spiritual stages, and all the definite growths, that I can truly say that I have reached a state of complete passion, faith, love, and enjoyment in Christ.  Sadly, no.  But fortunately, this last blogpost is the answer.  Not exactly an answer, but this is my heart-felt letter to God and myself. 

Yesterday's message struck me to the soul and spirit.  The topic was 'Turn-Point'.  I instantly recollected my darkest and hellish year in life.  How I made a turning point with and for God.  It lasted for a good 2-2.5 years though.  Last night, I merely reflected on the past month and I felt like poo.  The past semester in college, I had the burden and desire to openly share my faith to others, but I still felt a bit uncomfortable and not completely ready.  This semester I felt a lot more confident yet I slowly lost myself in the desires to ace all classes, and in earning some extra cash.  These words cannot even start to describe how lost I was. 

I stayed up until 1 today-the latest I have ever stayed awake in my whole school life.  I felt like a traitor.  I felt as if I indeed toke God for granted for all the 18 years of my life.  Although, I would repent and live a more grateful and thankful life, it was only temporal changes.  I know it's not close to impossible to live a life that is always satisfied, content, and fearing God.  I've done it, but laziness, or the lamest of excuses would be accepted.  Am I an idiot?  Really.  Yes, I'm human and imperfect, but who am I to simply desregard all the supernatural things that God has shown me? 

I slipped into Peter's shoes.  Oh how He loved Jesus.  They were so close to each other.  Peter loved Jesus with His all heart.  If he had three hearts then they would all belong to Jesus.  He walked on water.  He witnessed Jesus after He had risen. 

I feel like the bitter Peter.  How he betrayed and denied Jesus three times before the crow.  He was simply afraid of judgement, afraid to become a JesusFreak, and foolishly blending into the flow.  I have foolishly been blending into the flow.  Forgetting just how much worse my 18 years would be without God.  Afraid to go beyond the common practices of Christianity.  Easily allowing the worst excuses and substitutes to block out my first and last love.  Where's my passion now?  Where's my energy and flame now?  Where's my power, joy, and peace now?  Where's my sense of reality now?  They're all gone.  Because I have consistenly pushed back on the most important Person in my whole life!

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7 days.  Starting right NOW.  These 7 days will be my turning point.  The one I will recall back to when I live up to my 100's.  During these 7 days and beyond, I will make the biggest dedication in committing for a  life and daily-covenant with God.  A definite strive for ultimate revolution.  A revolution that doesn't last for only a week, a year, or 2 years, but for the rest of my life and for eternity.  God created the universe in a span of 7 days.  Well, He rested on the 7th but anyways.  My last urgent prayer to God is to grant me these last 7 days.  That I will establish an unshakeable routine in having God as my everything.  My every breath.  Whatever I see, I want to see Jesus in it.  The people I encounter, I will remember that they are to be loved as much as I love God and myself.  The very Bible that I hold and read everyday is God-breathed.  The time for prayer is not playtime.  Worship time is not to be taken lightly.  My every thoughts can be revolved around God's kingdom.

Please pray for me.  Not just now but everyday.  I can assure you that I have prayed for YOU everyday.  Prayer is powerful. 

7 days.  Everyday I will rejoice because God is graceful.  May I change in these 7 days and beyond.  All I ask God, are these 7 days of undoubtedly and everlasting change!  Consume from the inside out everyday.  I want and need my relationship with You to submerge  into a state of 103%.  But not stopping there.  Every day, it will be +1% and so on.  This is the reality I am about to embrace and dive into.  I am married to God.  My life is God's.  This blog is God's.  This final post and my last breath is God's.

In comparison to the first 7 days of life.  "God my only desire and wish is to be made anew in these 7 days and beyond.  Create in me a new heart, soul, strength, and mind.  May my eyes see You in every moment of everyday, my ears hear You in every moment of everyday, my mouth taste You in every moment of everyday, my senses feel You in every moment of everyday, and my nose smell Your goodness in every moment of everyday.  Flaming, The Mask, Arrived.  Austin CHRISTopher Ying.  Life-daily covenant.  Godsome living.  Revolution.  I will settle with nothing less.  I will wrestle with You every night.  I will not accept the new day without welcoming You into the day.  I am imperfect but I desperately aim for You.  Mold me, break me, consume me, and revolutionize me everyday for You and Your kingdom come.  It's all for You!  Hallelujah and AMEN."

9:49:01 AM

Mark L: "Father thank You for bringing Austin to the chat line today, we thank You for how You minister to our hearts, give us people we can talk with."

Austin: "Yes Father."

Mark L: "We love You so much, yet we struggle, fail and sometimes wonder if we will ever get to a place where sin doesn't come in."

Mark L: "We ask that You would help us both in our walk, in our thoughts, and ask that You would give us peace, an understanding and wisdom."

Austin: "Amen."

Mark L: "We thank You for Your never ending love, acceptance and forgiveness."

Austin: "mmm"

Mark L: "We give You our day, our time and ask that You help us in our walk and journey with You."

Austin: "Amen."

Mark L: "In Your name I pray."

Mark L: "Amen"

Austin: "Amen."

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PSALM 51

'Have mercy upon me, O God,
According to Your lovingkindness;
According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
Blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I acknowledge my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight—
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me hear joy and gladness,
That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners shall be converted to You.

Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
The God of my salvation,
And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.'


          

+A.C.Y.+          

Recently saw a scene from 'Malcolm in the Middle.'  It's a funny, random, and interesting show.  Towards the end of the episode, the parent scene caught my attention.

The Dad (Hal) walks up to his wife (Lois).  Hal passionately blabbers on about his new interest in flying kites while Lois gives him an apathetic look.  Hal stops and asks her if something is bugging her.  She simply states that she couldn't believe that Hal spent the past 3-5 hours to just focus on flying a kite.  She continues by admitting how strange it is that Hal doesn't check out other women.  It shocks her to realize that her husband would rather spend hours on flying a kiddy kite rather than flirting/stalking other women.  She openly admits that she sometimes finds herself checking out other men if they have a nice build or if they are dressed up nicely and everything. 

Hal gives her a funny look and chuckles.  He confidently responds that no other woman can steal his love and passion for Lois.  He smiles and tells Lois that he loves her more than she can ever love him.  In addition, he adds that if Lois ever had the same love as he had for her, then they would never leave the house-actually, I think he said the bedroom.  Anyways, Lois is very impressed and relieved.  They give each other a kiss and hug.  "Oh, I love you Hal!", she says.  "I love you more", replies Hal.  Such a great analogy.  We cheat on Him, but God still keeps His eye on us and has sold His heart to us.

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King David.  Known as the man after God's heart.  True stuff, and an inspiration to follow.  Today, I practically sprinted for half a mile to catch an earlier bus for home.  I came about 10 seconds before the bus arrived.  Whew!

The rushing, lucky experience has helped me to understand a bit more of how if looks like to be after God's heart.  To sprint and chase after Him in order to enter into His presence.  Taking at least 2 times daily to catch God before the day and time has passed.  Run, run.

+A.C.Y.+